Submit If He Isn’t Leading? Part 3

We know that God has called us to be subject to our husbands, and we’ve looked at what submission might look like in marriage. Now let’s tackle what happens when our husbands aren’t leading. Do we rise up and take control? Do we nag him into leading his family? Neither of these will work. So what do we do?

Pray.
Pray for God to show you what you need to change first. Have you fought your husband every time he’s tried to lead? Have you been critical of the decisions he’s made? Do you encourage him to be a leader? Ask God to forgive you where needed, and have him show you how you can be the wife your husband needs; one that honors God.

Pray for your husband to be the leader God would have him be. Understand that his leadership style might not be as you think it should be. Men are unique, and their leadership style is uniquely theirs. God knows how to shape him, to mold him into the man to lead your specific family. Trust God in this, pray for your man, and watch God grow him.

Discuss.
Find a moment to talk to your husband. Choose a time where he’ll be most receptive. Let him know what God’s been showing you in the area of submission. You may need to ask him to forgive you for not submitting to the authority God has given him. Let him know you will come alongside him, and follow where ever he leads.

Encourage.
Ladies, we have such an influence over our husbands. Too many times we use it to tear down our husbands; to get our own way. Influence your husband to be the strong man God has called him to be. Lift him up. Let him know you are thankful for his hard work. Talk about his masculine features you love. Listen to him with an open mind and heart. Be aware of subtle criticism slipping in.

Offer Grace.
Our men will mess up. They will make mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes are costly, and the consequences are trying. You could pull an ‘I told you so’. You can throw blame in his face; make him feel guilty. Or you can take his hand, and tell him you’ll get through it. Together. Let him know you trust him to guide your family out the other side. We have ALL been given grace. How can we not give it to our husbands? There is nothing to gain from withholding grace except a loss of intimacy. He can’t trust you with his heart if you trample on it when things go wrong.

Forgive.
Sometimes our husbands will hurt us. And we hurt them. Along with grace, we must be quick to forgive. Choose to forgive even when it hurts. ‘Father, forgive them’. This after he was beaten, nailed to a cross, and pierced with a spear. Truly innocent of all, he took all on himself so we might be forgiven. Again, how can we not forgive our husbands? Pride. Anger. Bitterness. None of these build closeness in marriage. It’s okay to show them we hurt, but let’s show them mercy, too.

Seek him.
Seek him out. Run things past him. Get his input. Defer to his judgement. These things show him that you are serious about valuing his leadership. They show him you respect his knowledge and experience. Be teachable. We have so much to learn from our husbands, and they, in turn, will enjoy listening to what we have to share, too. Marriage really does operate on a give and take; ebb and flow. It’s beautiful when it’s following God’s course.

Ladies, it may take time for your husband to embrace leadership in your family. Longer if you’ve been foolish as I have, but keep submitting as God directs. Keep praying, encouraging, offering grace, forgiving, and seeking him. God will bless you faithfulness.

Call to Action:
This whole post has basically been a call to action. Go, begin with prayer…

Coming up in this series: What do you do when your husband asks you to do something contrary to God? When your husband isn’t saved? What about abuse in marriage? How about submission for an unmarried woman? Next post will be on Thursday.

Thank you, Jesus, for giving me a man who is strong, loving, flawed, but mine. He has taught me so much about you, about grace, about forgiveness…I can’t even describe the depths of my love for him. Help me be the wife that helps him be the man you created him to be.
In Jesus’ name, amen.

Submission in Marriage series:
You Want Me to Submit? Part 1
Submission Equals Freedom? Part 2

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All photographs on this post were taken and are copyrighted by Markle Memories Photography.